Month: February 2018

Gender Stereotypes Ruin Relationships

Gender equality doesn’t mean that everything is split equally, it just gives us the freedom to choose our own equilibrium. Granted we have biological differences but we also have different characters and personalities. If we want to be truly happy, we have to be truly honest with ourselves.

Me and my better half Ana are very different from each other. If you look at us as individuals, you’d be pressed to even pin us as friends, let alone a couple in a relationship. Yet here we are, alive and kicking. We’ve been inseparable for about 6 years now and while I do roll my eyes and facepalm on occasion (believe me, she does too, with all due right), she is the most impressive and wonderful person I have ever met and I wouldn’t do or commit to half the things I’ve done with her with anyone else.

The reason why it works is honesty, tolerance and a healthy disbelief in conventional thinking. We see what we are and how we best function as individuals and apply that as a couple. Had we followed traditional gender norms, I would be at work every day and she would be home raising Ean. What’s wrong with that? Nothing, unless you look at us as people.…

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You Can’t Hurry A Toddler

Taking a kid like Ean swimming every day is a lot of fun, drains him of energy and increases his appetite. It also takes for ever! 🤪

Here seen, pretending to be invisible while I repeatedly asked him to come get dressed. Some days are easier than others but I’ve noticed that stress is the enemy of toddlers.

The more you forcefully boss him around, the more he will resist. He doesn’t know the parking meter is expiring and we’re going to have to pay more, he’s just busy making funny faces in the mirror.

So I decided to at all costs try to avoid stress by allowing ample time for both getting dressed and playing silly games. That way I don’t need to rush and he doesn’t feel nagged and we both leave the gym with a smile.

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Two Mothers And Their Two Children

Ana and Aida have been friends and neighbors since childhood. One day, about 3 years ago Ana contacted her to deliver the big news, that she was pregnant. It turned out, Aida was pregnant too! So they were kids together, grew up together and were pregnant together with just a few months apart and now our kids are growing up together in the same city, for now (I see you Malaga!)

Now, Ean and Chloe are pushing 3 years later this year and they are becoming good friends and quite the play team. From one generation to the next, the beautiful bond of humanity keeps twirling and expanding its branches.

They’re at that age now where they can play freely while the grownups talk (way too much and way too fast in Spanish for me to understand) and I just sit there and marvel at the beauty of human interaction, starting from such a young age and the desire to be heard, seen, understood and appreciated.

It’s easy, in this world of divisive thinking and hatred, to feel that we are fundamentally different and in many ways we grow up to be very different from each other. But, at the core, we all still just want to be heard, seen, understood and appreciated.…

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Reconnecting With Ean

Since we moved to Spain and have a more balanced division of time spent with Ean, I’ve felt like it kind of created distance between us. That raw bro vibe wasn’t as pronounced as back when we spent our days on beaches and in parks, training and doing everything together.

Well a few weeks ago I started training at a fitness club where they have a daycare and a swimming pool. So now, 5-6 days a week I go to work out, I drop Ean at the daycare and he loves it! Afterwards we go swimming together.

This has kind of recreated our old times of active play and fun, as opposed to just hang out at home playing with toys. Now, we’re back to being much closer and there’s a symbiosis that’s hard to explain but amazing to experience.

What I want to tell all fathers, especially those who don’t spend so much time with their kids because it seems like they prefer their mom, make time… quality time and really get to know your kid.

They will have memories for the rest of their life and you will reap the reward for the rest of yours as your kid becomes more than your offspring, but a friend and an actual person with their own ideas, opinions and quirky ways. It’s the difference between being a “father figure” and an actual parent. There’s nothing quite like it.

Before, Ean used to cry when his mom sent him over to me in the morning. Now he snuggles up with kisses, hugs and talks about what he wants to eat and do today. Between that and the gentle rays of the sun waking me up from over the snowy mountain tops, I am in heaven.

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The Reality Behind The Fatherologist Name

Every day is paradise and we walk around hugging like this all the time…

just kidding.

Raising a child is like any relationship, it demands work, compassion, compromise and a lot of love. Ultimately it’s about understanding each other and even though there are days where I feel like banging my head against the wall, most days are pure bliss and all days have at least a moment of peace and love.

When I came up with the name and tag line for Fatherologist I didn’t know what I was going to face but almost 3 years into it I am certain of one thing, your children are a reflection of you and if you see something in them you have a hard time dealing with, take a long hard look at yourself.

Parenting isn’t easy, but I see people making it harder than it needs to be by subscribing to shortcuts and lazy ways.

With kids there are no shortcuts. You have to put in the work and ultimately you reap what you sow and you get what you give, like in any relationship.…

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